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the plays >> Church of the open mind

Please note that all dialogue is under United States Copyright protection.

Church of the Open Mind*
A comedy in two acts by Allyson Currin
*2002 Helen Hayes Award nominee, Outstanding New Play
2 men, 2 women, unit set

Cassie is a young novelist returning home after writing her first flop, a thinly-disguised account of her failed love affair. But why is she really coming back? Church, her flamboyantly domineering father and long-time editor, is prepared to reassume his position as mid-wife to her work. Her ex-fiance Gid (the unwilling subject of her failed novel) is ready to start afresh – if only she’ll put down the pen. Cassie spirals out of control as familial and romantic forces besiege her sanity – and the comedy turns dark. In this scene, Cassie and Gid attempt to leave the house for a much-desired dinner date:

Halt! Where are you taking my daughter, you molester?


I’m taking her to dinner.

And when will she be returned to me?

I’ll be home when I’m home. Daddy, I’m a grown-up.

Age aside, I am your father and I have a moral obligation to demand the intentions of your suitor. Now, let’s discuss curfew.

I’ll strangle you in your sleep!

Curfew? Is that the game? Okay, padre.
I thought I might take her to dinner. Get her good and drunk on some really cheap chardonnay. Tell lies about my sex life. Slide my foot up her skirt under the table for a couple of hours. Then we’ll probably end up at the Polka Dot Inn out of Route 52, which is where I take most of my conquests. They know me there. I get a discount for volume. I’ll whip out the baby oil and handcuffs, ravish her – should take about eight hours – and I’ll dump her on your front porch buck naked at five a.m. sharp.
How’s that?


Long as I know. Have a good time.

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