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Please note that all dialogue is under United States
Copyright protection.
Fur and Other
Dangers*
A comedy about cats in two acts, by Allyson Currin
*Recipient of the Washington Theatre Festival’s Pat Murphy Sheehy New Play
Development Award
5 actors (any gender), unit set
Synopsis:
All Veve wants is a perfect little house with carport and a salmon-colored
living room sofa – and NO CATS. But with her activist-husband
and misfit daughter as certified cat-lovers, Veve finds her life
one endless parade of feline pets – complicated by the fact
that she’s the only one who can hear what they’re really
saying! In this scene, her husband Jim has just brought home a
new kitten (Poop Jones), one who’s a little rough around
the edges…
JIM
Look what I found wandering around the garbage bins at the library!
VEVE
Are you trying to kill me!?!?!?!?!
JIM
He’ll live outside. Hasn’t had a square meal in weeks,
I’ll
bet. He sure gobbled up that pimento cheese sandwich. Poor sweet thing.
Come closer, honey, he won’t bite.
POOP
FUCK YOU, BITCH!
VEVE
I can’t!
JIM
Why not? He’s a little darling aren’t you? Boody, boody, boody, boody,
boody, boo!
Aren’t you just?
Poop purrs and looks pathetic.
VEVE
He’s staring at me.
JIM
He’s hungry, Veve.
VEVE
I want that thing out of this house!
JIM
All right, all right. Maybe Hank’ll take him in. It was worth
a try.
POOP (as Jim and Poop exit)
Mother-fucking, cock-sucking bitch fuckin’ with my chances for the good
life! I’m gonna be sprayin’ your roses tonight, fuckin’ candy-ass
bitch! Don’t THINK that you can fuck with Poop Jones and get away with
it! Goddamn Bible Belt establishment bullshit…
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